Embracing My Submission Read online

  Forceful.

  Commanding.

  In total control.

  He arched his hips, driving his turgid erection against my center, and began burnishing his hardened shaft against my clit. Needful, muffled moans rose from my throat as I soared to the edge of oblivion. My nails raked across his muscular back and in unabashed hunger, I rocked my hips against his thick, hot erection, all the while feeding on his tongue.

  Suddenly Mika tore his lips from mine, retracting his heated cock from my throbbing clit and resting his forehead against mine. We gasped for air, and I groaned in frustration.

  “Why did you stop?” I panted.

  Before Mika could answer, the doorbell rang.

  “I’ll be right back.” He cupped my hand around the wad of toilet paper and raced from the bathroom.

  After mopping up my weeping pussy, I crawled back into bed. My entire body throbbed for more. Seconds later Mika, Trevor, and Drake waltzed into the bedroom. I plastered on a smile hoping I didn’t look as horny or as guilty as I felt.

  “I’m sorry to barge in on you like this, girl, but Trevor was driving me insane begging to come see you.” Drake shook his head with a look of admonishment, but Trevor’s smile was so bright he glowed.

  “Come here, sweet bro.” I grinned, spreading my arms open wide, all the while praying my lips weren’t swollen or revealed any sign of the torrid kiss. Stealing a quick glance toward Mika, he seemed perplexed and looked as if he were ready to run from the room.

  “I don’t want to hurt you, sister.” Trevor lightly patted my back.

  “I’m not glass. Give me some love!” I demanded, hugging him tightly.

  Trevor gripped me and sighed. “I’ve been so worried about you. I want to rip that asshole’s heart out, if the bastard has one.”

  “You and me both, sugar.”

  Trevor turned and looked up at Drake, presenting the saddest puppy dog eyes I’d ever seen as he stuck out his lower lip. “Can I Daddy, please? Please? Please?” he begged like a petulant child.

  I knew exactly what he was begging for and followed suit as I mimicked his pitiful expression, pleading to Drake as well.

  “Oh for the love of God,” Drake thundered. “Kiss her, you little mouth whore.” He rolled his eyes in acquiesce.

  A squeal of delight peeled from Trevor’s throat as he leaned in and pressed his warms lips to mine. His kiss was soft and paled in comparison to Mika’s. I ached to have his demanding mouth against mine once more.

  “I swear to Christ that boy loves her mouth. I think he’s got latent bi tendencies,” Drake complained.

  Trevor broke the kiss and shook his head. “I do not, Daddy. I just love the way her mouth feels. It’s so soft, and that thing she does with her tongue. Lordy, it makes my spine melt.”

  “Like I said, he’s a mouth whore,” Drake grumbled as I giggled and wrapped my fingers around Trevor’s neck, drawing him back for more.

  “Just what is it that she does with her tongue?” Mika’s question was low and a bit wistful.

  You know exactly what I do with my tongue, Mister, I thought with an inward grin. When Trevor failed to answer, Drake tore him from my mouth by his long blond hair.

  “You were asked a question, boy.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry, Masters!” Trevor chuckled as he licked his puffy, reddened lips.

  “She wraps it around my tongue and then sorta slides it up and down in tiny little strokes. It reminds me of the way Daddy...” He stopped as a bashful blush rose on his face when he spied Drake’s cautious expression.

  “Enough explanation, boy. You may continue kissing,” Drake directed. “Just don’t get so lost in your imagination that you forget who and what you’re sucking on, my sweet love.”

  He shook his head and moaned in assurance. I’d never remembered Trevor’s mouth feeling quite so delightful before. It felt softer and he tasted sweeter.

  Closing my eyes, I imagined Mika’s warm, slippery tongue exploring my mouth again. I imagined sucking that succulent bottom lip that constantly commanded my attention. I felt slighted that I didn’t have the chance before we were interrupted.

  In my mind, I could feel Mika’s hard, tight muscles as I ran my hands over Trevor’s arms. The voracious hunger was back, burning me alive, screaming to be filled. It was crying to be satiated, demanding the hollow emptiness inside me be quenched.

  Rising to my knees, I launched myself against Trevor’s chest, plowing him to his back. I whimpered as I raked my throbbing nipples over his cottony soft shirt.

  Without warning, I felt a hand grip my hair as my head was jerked back.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, girl?” Drake’s voice thundered.

  My body shuddered as I gasped. Trevor looked shocked and more than a bit embarrassed.

  “Sister!” he exclaimed in surprise.

  “Oh.” I covered my face with my hands. I’d all but molested him. I was mortified. Pulling my hands away, I looked down at Trevor, who was wearing a wolfish smile.

  “I’m so sorry. I...I...Oh shit.” With Drake’s thick hand fixed in my hair, I climbed off Trevor, embarrassed that Mika had witnessed my display. I felt shamed and wanted to hide. Hide from them all.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I reached back and placed my hand over Drake’s wrist, attempting to dislodge him from my hair. “Please let go.”

  “What were you thinking?” Drake yanked as he lifted my face upward.

  “It’s the pain pills, Sir. They’ve put something in them. Some kind of aphrodisiac,” I groused.

  “So what are you telling me? That you’ve been humping on Mika like a bitch in heat because of your pain pills?”

  “No, Sir,” I snapped in an indignant tone while hoping Mika wouldn’t rat me out and confess the little tête-à-tête in the bathroom.

  “Well, you had no trouble humping my slave now did you? I’m waiting for a plausible explanation girl.”

  “I don’t have one, Sir.” I wished I could slink down and evaporate into the carpet.

  “I think sister’s just horny, Master,” Trevor whispered.

  “Is that true?”

  “Something like that, Sir.”

  “Then come, girl,” Drake demanded as he wrapped his free hand around my wrist and pushed my own fingers between my legs. “Well? We’re waiting. Is there a problem?”

  I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t touch myself. I was still reeling with mortification for how I acted with Trevor. “Please let me go, Moses.” My body throbbed in a combination of lust and shame.

  “Fuck!” Drake’s whole angry demeanor changed in the blink of an eye. He exhaled a heavy, exasperated sigh. “No, I won’t let you go, Julianna. You need to come, and so you shall.”

  “Kneel up on the bed,” he instructed as he led me to the foot of my bed.

  “Trevor, lay down beneath your sister.”

  “Master?” Trevor shrieked in alarm.

  “You’re not going to fuck her, boy!” Drake thundered. “You’re going to kiss her while I yank her hair and manipulate that lovely trigger of hers. She can come by her own fingers or not at all. But I’m giving her permission to release the frustration that’s governing her actions before she begins fucking the doorknobs. Now if you’re both thoroughly satisfied with my explanation, which I didn’t owe either of you in the first place, get in your positions both of you. Now.” He released my hair with an exasperated sigh.

  I couldn’t even look at Mika, too terrified by what degree of disgust his eyes would reflect. Drake knew I needed to come and so did I, but I didn’t want to masturbate in front of Mika. But with Drake being so hardheaded, I knew I couldn’t talk my way out of it. There was no going back.

  Feeling debased at what was expected, I tried to swallow my pride as I waited for Trevor to assume his position. Drake directed me by my hair until I was straddling Trevor’s hips. I hesitated then descended my mouth to his.

  Closing my eyes, visions of Mika once again filled my mi
nd. With my ass thrust upward, the stitches burned beneath my tautly stretched flesh. I whimpered as Trevor’s tongue plunged deep inside my mouth. He was being unnaturally forceful, which fed my fantasy like forbidden fruit.

  Drake tugged my mane. Dreaming of Mika’s tongue, I groaned lowly in Trevor’s mouth as I became lost in my fantasy. Sliding my fingers upon my throbbing clit, I rubbed the sensitive knot of nerves. My hips rolled as I fantasized of Mika’s broad brown hands clutching my ivory flesh, preparing me, readying me to accept his glorious shaft in my needy pussy.

  My body jerked in surprise as warm palms caressed and cupped my breast. It was Mika. It was his hands that were upon me, touching me, helping me climb up and over the edge. I released my lips from Trevor and gasped as Mika plucked and pinched my pebbled nipples. Whimpers, moans, and tiny squeals of delight vibrated in the back of my throat as his magical touch coaxed me higher. His warm breath floated over my ear as he nibbled the column of my neck.

  The heat of him surrounded me.

  Exploring.

  Enticing.

  Euphoric.

  It was sensual sensory overload. Quaking violently, his broad hands spread my thighs and his fingers plunged through my swollen folds, invading my sweltering cunt. Mika drove into my core with demand, swirling me into a lewd whirlpool of hedonistic splendor. It was a spectacular free fall, and I gave everything over to his masterful control.

  Rocking my hips, meeting each deep thrust, my pussy gripped and clutched as my soft, slick tissue sucked upon his embedded fingers. Something warm and slippery slithered across the puckered flesh of my anus followed by his finger that began tracing the ultra-sensitive rim. He persisted upon the fragile tissue and finally penetrated the ring.

  It was too much. Too intense. Shards of lightning detonated outward, spreading from the rigid rim of my virgin asshole and tingling through my limbs. I was soaring to the heavens as his finger stretched the delicate opening, flying far beyond my control. Nothing could have held me back. Nothing could have slowed the spiral as I swirled higher and higher toward oblivion. My whimpering mewls escalated to panting cries, growing louder and more desperate by the second.

  “Give it to me, Julianna,” Mika’s deep, buttery voice whispered in my ear. His fingers curled inside my tunnel, pressing against my hidden bundle of nerves as his other finger steadily seesawed into my ass. “Let me have it, girl. It doesn’t belong to you. Christ, your whimpers are like a fucking white-hot spike through my brain. Let go, precious. I want to hear you scream for me. I want to feel your pussy and your ass milk my fingers as you explode. That’s it. Fuck my fingers and come for me. Come. Come for me, love. Now!”

  His demand catapulted me over the top. Nectar poured from my pussy in a deluge as I closed my eyes and welcomed the crashing thunder.

  Drake gave one last hard tug of my hair as my body arched. I tossed my head back and screamed Mika’s name as I fragmented into a million shimmering shards of white ecstasy. Convulsing brutally, I clutched Mika’s thick fingers, milking them as they plowed in a frantic rhythm inside me, screaming to the heavens as each powerful wave obliterated me.

  Before I could even begin to feel the twinges of the fierce tsunami dissipate, Mika jerked his fingers from my body. Lights were still flashing behind my eyes, and my ears buzzed as the powerful release continued to vibrate.

  “Trevor, tend to her,” Mika snarled. His tone was fused in disgust and anger. “Drake, get me out of her sight. Take me back to the club. Now.” Mika stormed from the room, his footsteps echoing in a heavy thunder as he raced down the stairs.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  “I’ll be back.” Drake murmured on a sorrowful sigh.

  Was Drake talking to me or Trevor? It didn’t matter. The dream was over. Everything I’d longed for and desired just raged down the stairs, out the door, out of my life.

  Evidently Vanessa hadn’t a clue about my less than stellar track record with Doms, else she’d have known I was not the one for Mika. I never would be. She’d have to invade another sub’s dreams, one that was worthy of Mika because without one single, solitary doubt, I wasn’t the “one.”

  I fragmented like French lead crystal smashed against a marble pillar. Crawling over Trevor, I curled up into a tight, protective ball. The brilliant white light surrounding me seconds ago dissolved to a black, oily abyss.

  Soft sobs turned into mournful wails. Confusion sullied my mind. What had I done? What didn’t I do? Clueless, I tried to find an explanation for Mika’s sudden onslaught of disgust. My mind could only ascertain the obvious. I was a pathetic excuse for a submissive. Seeing me in action was so disheartening, Mika couldn’t stomach my ineptness, couldn’t wait to get away from my miserable display. I was beyond hopeless. I was a failure, a complete and total failure, and forever would be.

  “Julianna. Oh sweet sis. What can I do for you, honey?” Trevor’s words were suffused in sorrow as his tender fingers caressed the side of my face. I shook my head, drew my knees up tighter, and cried. “Oh baby! He’ll figure it out. You didn’t do anything wrong. Come on, let me love you.”

  “No,” I sobbed. “Leave me alone, Trevor, please. Just let me be for a few minutes.”

  He exhaled a concerned sigh. “I’ll get you some hot tea. That will make you feel better. I’ll be right back.” With a sympathetic pat to my shoulder, he tucked the covers over me then left the room. Left me alone to wallow in my devastation.

  Rocking back and forth, trying to ease the agony blistering my soul, I tried to convince myself that Mika was nothing but a whimsical fantasy. It had never been real. The dreams were simply that, dreams.

  Imaginary.

  Ghosts.

  Smoke.

  Smoke that I’d been blowing up my own ass thinking, wishing, I could be more than a disappointment. I’d failed miserably, once again, without knowing exactly how.

  I was certain that Mika looked at me as a doppelganger, a far too painful likeness to the ghost of his past, Vanessa. He would never allow himself to align with me because of it.

  I was painfully aware that I lacked the grace and beauty worthy of his Dominance. His urgent need to escape painted a ruthless and agonizingly clear picture. He didn’t want me. His demand that Trevor tend to my aftercare reinforced his disgust. He couldn’t even lower himself to such a menial task.

  But it was his acrid, venom-filled demand for Drake to get him out of my sight that decimated me. The echo of his cruel and abhorrent words ripped my soul apart.

  Sobs wracked my body as my mind spun like a centrifuge. Dominance. Submission. The quest to find that all-elusive “one” had been nothing but a pipe dream. A fantasy.

  And without warning, a light bulb illuminated in my brain and it was all too clear. I knew what I had to do. I had to give up my dreams of submission. If I was to retain any semblance of sanity or self-esteem, I had to let it go. I had to shove it far behind me and forge ahead.

  Trevor returned with the tea, his eyes filled with sorrow and pity. Pity! It was the last nail in my submissive coffin. I was a strong-willed woman, a woman fortified with determination. I was also a woman who loathed pity, especially in the eyes of her friends.

  No more.

  I would take back my control and my life.

  Drying my eyes, I unfurled my limbs and in my mind began to construct thicker, protective walls, reinforcing the layers of self-preservation. This time I designed them so that no one ever got through to hurt me again.

  “Thank you sweetheart.” I nodded with a weak smile.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. I’m sorry I broke down. I didn’t mean to do that. The onslaught of hormones, I think. I didn’t handle that very well now, did I?” The smile I forced felt empty.

  “You scared me, Julianna,” Trevor confessed in a low, fragile voice. “There’s a lot you don’t understand about Mika.”

  “It’s not important. If there’s anything he wants me to know, he’ll tell me.” I squeezed his hand.
<
br />   Trevor nodded then exhaled in a resigned sigh.

  “I need to take a shower. Can you help me with the bandages?” I asked.

  “Of course. Come on. Let me help you, sis.” Trevor’s smile was bright. He was happy to be helping me. After all, that’s what submissives reveled in.

  Helping was how they derived their contentment and they thrived doing things for others. It was something I’d need to learn how not to do.

  ~*~

  For the next thirteen days, I stayed away from the club. I concocted a plethora of excuses for my absence when Drake called. And he called daily. Most times I wouldn’t even bother to answer the phone, and when I’d relent and pick up, a dubious tone of doubt filled his voice with each pathetic lie I offered up for my absence. Guilt gnawed at me, but there was no going back. I had to buck up and steer my life in a new direction.

  I’d followed up with Mika’s doctor as promised, and while my backside was mending exceedingly fast, my heart and soul continued to hold the fresh and piercing painful wounds. Wounds that continued to weep and ooze at the loss of my submission.

  I’d placed entirely too much hope on Mika in far too little time. Hope inflated by idiotic, obsessive dreams. It wasn’t at all surprising that they had stopped. No doubt Vanessa had realized her mistake and was now haunting some other more deserving submissive’s dreams. Truth be told, I missed her. But her visits would inevitably have included Mika. I wasn’t prepared for that. The memory of him alone was excruciating enough.

  It was Friday night, a night I normally spent primping to enjoy with like-minded friends at the club. Yet I sat alone eating a potpie that had the same flavor and consistency of the cardboard container it came in. Restless. Anxious. I sat alone at my kitchen table realizing how much of my life had been centered around the club and its members.

  I had no other friends to join for a night out at a vanilla bar or to take in a movie, a dinner. I’d spent the past four years sequestered from anyone or anything outside the realm of BDSM.

  Had my choice been a pathetic attempt to fill some void, or was submission at the actual crux of my being? I still didn’t know. I did miss it, missed the expectation of conforming to a rigid criteria. I missed the feeling of being at peace with my psyche. Even longing for a Dom, I’d felt more centered with people who shared my kink than I did sequestered away like I was now. At least I could achieve my fundamental desires to submit through Drake and my interaction with other Dominants. They kept me under their wings in one way or another, and were a constant reinforcement and reassurance of my submissive status.