Embracing My Submission Page 5

  His words stung like a fat slap across the face. It took every ounce of willpower I possessed not to storm out of the restaurant. And I would have if he’d not unequivocally hit the nail on the head. He was right. I was hiding behind my walls, ensconced in a heavy cloak of pride. Expecting the worst and at least on some obscure, unconscious level, sabotaging any real chance to achieve what I longed for the most.

  Sometimes self-realization was a butt-ugly bitch.

  “Do you understand what I’m saying to you?”

  “I’m not stupid.” Of course I understood, but it didn’t mean I had to like it.

  “No, you’re not stupid.” He flashed a scowl. “And since you don’t want to rescind my protection, and since I am the one you’ve designated to correct your rueful behavior, I fully intend to do that tonight.” His eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared as he struggled to keep his voice low and controlled.

  “You will come to the club dressed for a session. You will arrive at exactly seven o’clock, and you will wait for me in my private room. Alone. Trevor will not be allowed to visit you. He’ll work your shift at the front door and you, my dear, will make amends to me. However I see fit. Is that understood? Unless, of course, you want me to release you from my care.” An evil glimmer reflected in his eyes.

  I swallowed tightly. “I’ve told you, I don’t want that. I will meet you tonight at seven o’clock in your room.” Trepidation replaced my fury.

  “And?”

  “I will accept your punishment.”

  His brows rose in silent question.

  “Sir.”

  “And?” he asked in a perturbed tone.

  “And...and I don’t want to give up your protection, Daddy.” I whispered in shame.

  “And?”

  “I don’t know what else you want me to say...Sir.” I lowered my head as my brain raced, clueless as to what requisite of his I’d not fulfilled.

  “And you will never, ever run from me or my instruction again. Or trust me, girl, I will release you to the wolves.”

  “Oh. No, Sir. I won’t do that again. I promise.”

  “Good. Now let’s eat,” he said with a broad smile.

  Eat? Was he kidding? My stomach was swirling like a Tilt-A-Whirl, pitching and rolling in a riotous swell. Fixated on what he’d planned to do to me, an assortment of painful scenarios flashed in my mind as my heart drummed solidly.

  “Is it going to be painful, Daddy?”

  “Indeed.” He nodded with an evil smirk.

  I scowled, desperate to push the fearsome thoughts from my mind. I’d never been punished before. I’d never crossed a line so vehemently that I’d needed to bear a punishment. Guilt and fear consumed me as tears burned in my eyes.

  “I’m sorry.” My voice cracked as I looked up at Drake.

  “I believe you are, girl.” His expression was somber. “You’re still going to be punished.”

  “Yes, Sir.” I nodded, clutching my fork. The sauce-covered noodles blurred as I blinked back the tears pooling in my eyes.

  “You know I love you.” Drake’s tone softened as he reached across the table and caressed my hand.

  Tears spilled over my lashes as I nodded. Fighting back the sob burning in the back of my throat, I looked into his eyes. “I don’t deserve you or your love.”

  “No. You deserve someone far better than me.”

  I slowly shook my head as tears streamed down my cheeks.

  “Yes, you do honey. I knew you longed for a Dominant, but I hadn’t realized you felt so unfulfilled without one. I know I can’t give you everything you crave. We discussed the limits of our arrangement when I first offered to be your protector and mentor. I’m sorry for not being able to provide all you need.” He squeezed my hand as a deep sorrow filled his eyes.

  “I should have told you how bad the void inside me had gotten.” I sniffed, wiping away my tears.

  “Yes, you should have. And it shows I’ve been entirely too lax.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “I’ve taken for granted the expectation that you’d communicate with me. Obviously I’m not properly caring for you because you’re hiding emotions from me.” Dipping his head, he raised his brows. His gray eyes penetrated, emphasizing his point. “Tell me about your feelings toward Jordon. Why him? What makes you want to give him your power? He’s an unknown Dom of the club. Unknown to me and to you.”

  “I don’t know. He’s beyond gorgeous. And you’re right, none of us knows a thing about him.” I swallowed tightly. Without reason, I was nervous voicing my desires to Drake. “He stirs something inside me. I don’t know if its lust or submission, but I wanted to find out. That’s a moot point now. I’m sure he thinks I’m a basket case and has totally written me off.” Raking my fingers through my hair, I issued a sigh of exasperation.

  Drake steepled his fingers and lightly tapped them on his lips.

  “What if he hasn’t written you off? What would you do? Would you still be interested in him?”

  “Of course.” My heart clutched with a flutter of hope. “But I’m not a fool, Drake. The chances of that happening are slim to none. He’s not going to want to have a thing to do with me.”

  “For conversation’s sake, pretend it was possible. Tell me why you want this man, aside from the fact that he’s a fucking hot mass of man candy.” A devilish grin curled on his lips.

  I grinned. Even Drake appreciated Jordon’s luscious physique. “He is that.” Pausing, I attempted to gather my reasons. “The minute he walked into the club, I was drawn to him. He carries a commanding aura that I can almost feel.” Goosebumps prickled my skin just thinking about him. “Of course I have no idea what type of Dominant he is. He could be loving or sadistic. I don’t know. But neither extreme scares me. I just want the chance to get to know him. I know our first encounter didn’t bode well with him. I wish I could rewind time and change everything about last night.” Nibbling on my bottom lip, I looked into Drake’s compassion-filled eyes. “Is it going to hurt a lot, Drake?”

  “Oh, stop fretting. You know I’ll never give you more than you can handle. But you will feel the reminder of your station, get reacquainted with your submissive place, and have no question as to where your mind and mouth should be focused. Just think of it as my gift of love to you.” A broad, sly smile spread across his lips.

  I trembled as I worried about how much pain was in store for me.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  At seven o’clock on the dot, I knelt on the soft carpet in Drake’s private room. Nervous and trembling, my heart thundered in my chest. All afternoon I’d paced, cried, and worried about what he had in store for me. That is, when I wasn’t mooning over hopeless fantasies of Jordon.

  Thoughts of the handsome Dom filled my head almost more than fretting about my punishment. Trying to keep Jordon in perspective, I reminded myself that I’d screwed up far beyond repair and shouldn’t hold on to foolish hope.

  Craning my neck, I looked at the clock on the nightstand behind me and trembled in anticipation-laced fear.

  7:05. Okay Drake, I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. Let’s get this over with.

  7:10. What is taking him so long?

  7:15. You’re doing this to fuck with me. I know it!

  7:20. Damn it, Drake, I’m going to waltz my ass back home if you don’t get here soon. The anticipation is driving me insane!

  The snick of the lock disengaging had me quaking with fear. Keeping my eyes glued to the floor, I trembled in silence.

  “You’re as beautiful as sunset splayed out in your submissive pose,” Drake praised, and I smiled. “Stand and present.” His voice thundered as goose pimples erupted across my flesh.

  My knees wobbled as I stood. With my face still shrouded, I thrust out my arms and pressed my wrists together. The scent of leather filled my nostrils as he bound the soft, fleece-lined leather restraints around my wrists.

  “I hope this isn’t a new gown, girl,” he growled in a low
voice. The tone in his next breath was harsh as he instructed me not to move. Withdrawing a sparkling silver knife, he slid the blade into the silk material between my breasts. I gasped and tried not to shudder as the knife sliced through the fabric. My gossamer gown silently slithered to the floor and pooled at my feet.

  “Thank you for not wearing panties that I’d have to ruin as well,” he whispered close to my ear. “Close your eyes, my sweet. I’d hate for you to see what I have planned for you.”

  A violent shudder shook my body as he placed a blindfold over my eyes, plunging me into total darkness. My mouth was so dry that I couldn’t have spoken even if I’d known what the hell to say.

  Drake led me from the room toward what I assumed was the dungeon. The temperature in the hallway was much cooler than his room and my nipples pebbled painfully.

  “It’s time for you to show me just how sorry you are, girl. I have no doubt you’ll make me proud.”

  With Drake’s hand firmly wrapped around my elbow, he ushered me down the hall. I could hear soft muffled voices that suddenly silenced. I could smell the distinguished scent of leather, disinfectant, and the subtle fragrance of sex mingling with sweet vanilla from the candles adorning the tables.

  I was in the dungeon.

  I listened closely for the sounds of play: the crack of a whip, the slap of a paddle, a moan or whimper from my fellow submissives. But there was nothing. Nothing but unnerving silence. It was a Saturday night. Genesis had to be packed with members. Had everyone stopped their scenes to watch me? It was intimidating to think I might be the only sub on display. Anxiety blossomed in the pit of my stomach and crawled over my skin.

  Gripping the cuffs, Drake stopped and wrapped a burly arm around my waist, pulling me against his soft leather vest. His broad chest warmed my back as I strained to hear any discernible sound. There was nothing but an anxious vibration buzzing in my ears. I detected the sound of breathing, but the tremulous whisper was faint, then gone. Maybe I’d imagined it.

  I wondered if there were people watching, gazing upon my naked, cuffed, and blindfolded body. Were there unknown witnesses leering or silently watching with sympathetic eyes? I faintly whimpered as my body continued to tremble in fear.

  “Do I need to get a ball gag, girl?” Drake asked in a thunderous, aggravated tone.

  I quickly shook my head no.

  “Answer me!” he demanded.

  “No, Daddy.” My voice was hoarse, my mouth dry.

  After what seemed like an infinite pause, Drake cleared his throat. “I would like to thank you all for volunteering to help Emerald find her place.”

  A new wave of panic crashed down on me. Lowering my head, I bit back a whimper of terror. He’d invited others to punish me! Who were they? What were they going to do? My mind raced. My limbs tingled as adrenalin exploded and oscillated through my veins.

  I wanted to peel my body from his warm, leather chest and run. Run away. Far away. Far from the terror of the unknown. Easy. Calm down.

  My heart hammered a frantic rhythm in my chest, and I tried to quell my unmitigated fear. If I ran again, he’d never take me back. I knew he’d never harm me emotionally or physically. It was time to buck up and be brave. If I hadn’t run from him in the first place, I wouldn’t be in this fucking mess right now. I was going to have to take it like a big girl and stop being such a wimp. I was always so damn envious of my fellow subs. Now I was getting exactly what I’d always wanted. So why was I so damn scared?

  Nervous, I licked my lips and tried to gain some semblance of control over the panic vibrating inside me.

  “Over the past four years, Emerald has brought much joy to my life and to many of you here, as well. Through her own actions, she has forced this punishment which I shall implement with a heavy heart. This is my girl’s first punishment. I pray its incentive enough to be her last.” The silent void was broken by numerous murmurs as I tried to swallow my fear.

  “Is there anything you wish to say before we begin, pet?” Drake whispered in my ear.

  “I’m sorry, Daddy Drake, for causing embarrassment to you and to myself. In the future, I will strive to better represent you in all ways.” My voice cracked and my tears were absorbed by the satin blindfold.

  “I believe you girl,” he said in a deep sorrowful tone. “Turn around.”

  He pulled away, taking with him the warmth and security of his body. I felt his broad calloused hands grip my shoulders as he led me forward. Trembling like a leaf, Drake pressed against the small of my back, guiding my breasts and stomach against the cold wooden frame of a St. Andrew’s Cross. I gasped as the icy wood met my flesh and chills shook my already trembling body.

  Without warning, an unknown pair of hands stretched my arms and feet, busily binding me to the wooden frame. My mind filled with images of some B-horror flick I saw as a child. The one where a circle of people dressed in black hooded cloaks tethered an innocent virgin to a sacrificial altar.

  I really needed to get a grip. I was a far cry from an innocent virgin, and Drake would never allow anyone but a trusted friend to put their hands on me. The only thing being sacrificed tonight was my lily-white ass. I sucked in a deep breath then the busy hands disappeared.

  “You will not be rewarded with a warm up,” Drake announced as the crack of his whip split the silence.

  I was crying in fear before the first bite of the single tail landed on my ass cheeks. Fiery pain exploded from the primary blow. I knew if I was going to survive his punishment, I needed to process the pain quickly. Between clenched teeth, I inhaled slow, deep breaths. The fire from the blow swelled outward, crawling up my spine and through my arms before washing down my legs just as another wicked stroke detonated across my ass.

  In quick succession, Drake landed half a dozen lashes. Biting back a cry of pain, I attempted to allow the blistering all-consuming flames to flow through me. Fighting the urge to scream, I focused on breathing as my limbs shook uncontrollably against the cross.

  Suddenly two small, warm hands began caressing my burning butt cheeks, and I moaned in delight. A small, soft mouth claimed my lips. I knew by her taste it was Mistress Sammie, and I sighed in gratitude. Her slick, gentle tongue slid past my lips. I groaned and suckled it. Fingernails danced and tickled my spine as I whimpered inside her mouth. Her small hand clutched my curls, pulling my head back and away from her. I cried out as my pussy contracted solidly.

  “You don’t cry out from the whip but you cry out from this?” she whispered, tugging on my mane. “You’re an amazing girl, Emerald.” Her breath was warm against my ear.

  Rolling my hips as hot nectar coated my folds, I pitifully whimpered, exalting in the lightning bolts of pleasure racing down my spine. Welcoming the throbbing ache pooling deep inside my womb, I rocked my pelvis in need.

  “Are you doing all right, precious?” she whispered, dancing her tongue over my ear as her fingers plucked my distended nipples.

  “Yes, Mistress.” I gasped.

  “Good girl,” she praised lovingly and then sank her teeth into the soft column of my throat. I yelped, melting against the cross as her sensual tongue licked the love bite.

  “You’re so beautiful, baby!” she praised.

  The radiating pain in my ass eased as Sammie administered sensual caresses. It was a glorious combination of heaven and hell. Then just as suddenly as she’d appeared, Mistress was gone.

  “Thank you, Mistress.” I sighed in gratitude, unsure if she heard my words.

  Instantly another succession of painful lashes bit into my flesh. The agonizing surge of white-hot fire consumed me, only this time I couldn’t contain the pain, couldn’t compartmentalize it. It was far too overwhelming.

  Unable to ride the waves as they crashed through me, I threw my head back. An animalistic scream tore from my throat. My knees dissolved. Slack and spineless, my tethered wrists bore the full weight of my body, and as I slumped against the frame, mournful pleas for mercy strained my throat.

&nbs
p; Strong, thick hands clutched my waist and pulled me upward, forcing me back on my feet. Drake’s leather vest was hot against my back. Heat radiated from his body in a fevered pitch. It was too much. Too intense. I was burning alive.

  “You’ve taken your punishment well, my love.” His voice was low as he praised me. “But I’m not done with you yet.”

  A low mewl of anguish reverberated in my throat.

  The whip snapped in the air with a deafening crack. I jerked, terrified of having to endure more. I couldn’t take anymore. Panic wrapped its icy hands around my throat, and I began pulling against my restraints. Fighting for freedom, crying and whimpering for mercy, I fought to free myself from the cuffs like a trapped animal.

  “Emerald!”

  At the sound of Drake’s thunderous voice, I froze.

  “Relax, pet,” Nuzzling my head toward the warmth of his breath, he caressed the shell of my ear with his lips. I whimpered, needing Drake’s reassurance as I tried to do as he ordered and relax. “Your pain is over. Let me shower you with pleasure, sweet girl.”

  The warmth of his body disappeared, and I moaned in delight as light, wispy kisses from the soft-tipped popper of the whip danced over my ass. Drake wielded the single tail with envied skill. His ability was so perfected and honed that he could flay open, wickedly welt, or lovingly coax caresses over flesh from the innocuous leather toy.

  My body relaxed against the wooden cross as I began to soar. There was no conscious thought in my head. Every kiss of the whip was confined to a tiny pinprick of light centered deep inside my brain.

  I was flying.

  Sailing in a crystal white, gossamer light of subspace.

  I was finally experiencing that place of serenity, the place I’d always yearned to be. It was the most euphoric escape I’d ever known.

  Heartfelt thanks murmured from my lips replaced my tears of fear and pain. Soaring higher and higher, it was as if I’d left my body. The residual pain throbbed and spread like liquid lava through my limbs, propelling me further into the dreamy, ethereal subspace. Even knowing this euphoric state existed, I never in my wildest dreams imagined it would feel like this. Every nerve ending sizzled as my mind, like thick honey, slid into another dimension. I was being reunited with my submission.